There have been a series of false starts in your life. You have wanted to see your life move forward and you thought it was your job to deliver yourself into a place of blessing. This has always been God’s task - not yours, but you seemed to have picked up the illusion of this responsibility somewhere along the way. In doing so you have linked your understanding of God’s favor to what you can produce by your efforts. A false start is the result of trying to do in your power what can only be done in God’s power.
Trying to move forward under human power is an indicator of a misunderstanding of God’s favor. This is your time to live in a place of restful productivity that only comes to those who know they already possess the favor of God. God’s favor is a gift. It can never be earned through human activity.
The new start you are seeking exists within the understanding that you already possess the favor of God apart from what you do. Once you know you are a favored one you will not have to prove your worth by attempting another false start motivated and empowered by an orphan spirit.